SOMETIMES, IT ONLY LOOKS LIKE RAIN
I’m about to make, probably, the most dad-forward metaphor I’ve ever made. May it be the dad-ancestors of old find pride and ultimate satisfaction on the forthcoming gymnastic.
I am building a paver patio in our back yard. 23’X15’, 7 tons of rock, 2 of sand, 700+ pavers, push play on the Home Depot theme - get it done. This Spring has been one of the wettest I can remember. It rains almost every day. A few weeks ago our basement (our recently finished basement, another dad project. I’m such a dad. It rocks) actually flooded when the ground got so saturated water literally seeped in from the foundation.
Anyways, the skies are hard to trust these days, and as I was gearing up for one of the only weekends I’d have open for the next couple, they were spelling some heavy doom. Plan was to get off early on Friday, hit it hard, then take Sat and Sun to finish (I didn’t. Spoiler.).
I’m heading home from the last meeting of the day and there’s a wall of dark gray looming over Morrison. Sh*t.
I’m already cussing the clouds out. I won’t get anything done today, this weekend will be a mudfest, and I’m going to lose any productivity I hoped for. BUT, I pulled my knee high socks up, slipped into my work shorts, threw the hat on backwards, and headed out the back door. Shovel on shovel, rake on rake, wheelbarrow full after wheelbarrow full pushing rock into the giant freaking hole in our back yard, waiting for the first drop to hit…
It never did. I worked 5 hours that day without the slightest bit of rain, but the clouds were dark.
In life right now I’m worrying my pretty little head over work stuff. I’m in a situation that is less than ideal, and I’m not happy about it. My personality is one to sprint to the worst case scenario, no water stops. I’m spending sleepless nights defending myself in endless imaginary arguments with the people involved, working myself up to a high blood pressure, and heading into work with that attitude.
But, none of the things I’m arguing about are happening like I thought.
The skies in life look super dark right now, but so far it’s not pouring (see, sick right? I just heard a bunch of beer bottles clinking somewhere in an deafening “cheers”). What does this mean for me? Well, folks, I need to get to work and do what I can do now. I can prepare for rain, I can have a plan to implement when the skies do open up, but until that happens I have the opportunity to move even another step forward.
Watching my son grow up is both elation and horror. He’s learning so many things, speaking in full sentences, counting to 20 at 2 years old, the sweetest kid you’d ever meet… and I have to provide for him.
What happens if this job falls through? What happens if I defend myself and get fired for it? What happens if I stay quiet, shut up and do my work… will I hate myself? How badly will I regret that? Can I handle staying at a place that feels so uncomfortable? What if there aren’t any other companies that need my skills? What if I leave this place and don’t find anywhere better? If any of that happens, how can I provide for Bray?? How can I provide for my wife Lo?! How will I ever find anywhere that I can fit in, something that is enjoyable so I have time to actually enjoy my family and my son?! How much is it going to rain?? WHEN?? WILL I HAVE TIME?!
Worried about the future, but valid stuff though, right? “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matt 6:34. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. I’ve got a hole to fill up in my back yard and it looks like it’s going to rain. Let’s see how much I can get done.
Sometimes, it only looks like rain.